And now, a video

Brooklyn Independent Television did a story on me earlier this year and I’ve finally watched it. Despite the fact that I love speaking to people, I don’t much like listening to myself so I hadn’t seen what a nice job they did.

Also, in one part, you can see me shaking hands with someone, and it’s a friend of mine who I met for the first time that night. I think it’s funny that we have video of us meeting.

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A Different Kind of Remake

Have you seen the trailer for this new Taylor Lautner movie?

The Baby Bourne Identity, er, … I mean, Abduction. They’ve played it before every movie I’ve seen this summer. And I laugh through it every single time.

Maybe Baby Bjorn Identity? I’m undecided.

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Lack of Internet Access

Got just enough internet access today to say that I’ve had hardly any the last few weeks and won’t for another week or so. An aggressive mix of computer troubles and life stuff has come up.

Thanks for finding your way here. I’ll have something up soon.

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Oh Captain, My Captain

 Jeter receiving a hug from A-Rod right after hit #3000. When I watched the game, you could hear A-Rod saying “unbelievable,” in a tone that suggests he was as amazed as the rest of us. 

This was a really enjoyable read, and he makes a great point about how much we’ve seen Derek Jeter. With the technological age we live in, with the sheer amount of screens, I was thinking the other day that while Don Mattingly may have been the Captain when I was a kid, Derek Jeter will be the one I always remember most.

It is going to be strange when Derek isn’t a Yankee anymore. He was never even my favorite player (Tino Martinez and later Matsui) but he’s so focused, and polite, and well, generally good, that he’s just our guy now, our Captain, and everything will feel so different when he is really done. I’ve watched him for some of the most memorable years of my own life. He has been a constant from my high school years through now, and while he’s declined in certain ways, it’s his abilities that are declining, not his desire. This one’s going to hurt when it’s over.

It was great being outside the stadium Saturday, watching the game on the TV of a sports bar, and after a foul, watching the pitcher wind up on a 2-second delay, then hearing the roar from across the street at the Stadium and knowing that I was about to see number 3000. Though I didn’t know it would be a game tying home run, and that he would also go 5 for 5 that day, even driving in the game winning run, but it’s Derek Jeter so somehow it’s not surprising. Not expected mind you, but also not surprising. But then again I was at the World Series game in 2001 when he became Mr. November.

With Jeter, it has always felt like anything was possible, and that is one of those intangibles people always talk about. I celebrated on the street with a bouncer and a hot dog vendor.  I’ll add that one to my long list of memories. Cause that’s the thing about Jeter, that list of memories is a long one

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Magic Powers

A couple of years ago the guy and I were hanging out at a buddy’s house with some people we knew. Another woman there,  let’s call her Susan, starting talking about her relationship. Susan had just started doing the long distance thing with her  girlfriend (yep, a lesbian couple; the relationship craziness I see knows no bounds) and the night before they had been video  chatting.

Susan’s lady did other things besides talk to her during the chat. She was flipping through papers and doing little bits of  work here and there. If I remember correctly, she was away for school. Susan went on and on about it, going into great detail  about the chat. She was furious her girlfriend didn’t give her 100% of her attention during it. I asked Susan if she said  anything to her girlfriend about it before blowing up at her and she said “No, I expect her to know better.” I had to stifle my  laughter.

I don’t care who you are or how much I love you, if you expect someone to read your mind, I’m going to laugh at you. If you  aren’t honest about how you feel, the other person won’t know what you want from them, let alone ever really know you well  enough to love you for who you actually are. If you spend all of your time blaming the other person for not knowing what you  are thinking, congratulations! You just wasted a lot of time.

This is particularly true for any new relationship, or anytime your relationship is in a new situation. Having been with my  guy almost six years, we know each other incredibly well, but we are still constantly learning about ourselves and each other.  There is tons of stuff I don’t have to say anymore, but that’s not true every time. I start school next month. I expect there will  be new things to figure out as I grow accustomed to an entirely new schedule. I could expect him to know how I will be  feeling at every moment, but then we’d have to fight our way through it. We won’t, because that’s not our style.

You, as a person, will grow and change within your relationship. Which means you both always need to learn about each  other. Expecting people to “know better” about things like this is pure ego. I’m so important you better know what I want  all the time. If you are this kind of person, I have another question: do you think you could do the same for them? Could you never ever disappoint the person you are with because you always know exactly what they want? If the answer is yes, I’d love to meet you. I have a thing for mythical creatures.

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Get Over The Language

To talk about relationships, we need to start by getting over the language. If your eyes roll at words like “relationships are work,” or if you insist on equating “contentment” and “comfort” with “boredom,” then you’re going to have a hard time of it. The thing is, these words are all accurate, but our negative associations with them keep us from hearing good advice.

I’ve been in a loving, strong, and incredibly fun relationship for almost six years now. If you ask me (as people often do) how it succeeds, I will furrow my brow and get a bit of a pinched look in my face. This is not because I’m having a hard time finding the words. I have them. I just know that for many, they won’t be exciting enough, or will be taken so literally as to sound daunting, because what I want to say is:

Our relationship is essentially a series of conscious decisions that he and I make to be better to each other than the laziest versions of ourselves would really want to be. 

I’ve thought about it over the years and that really is the best way I can describe it. If I have to do it in one sentence, that is (My guy said “oh yeah,” when I read that sentence to him). But it sounds awful! And boring! And no fun! Except that my home is full of dancing! And dinners made together! And laughter and good times! I promise.

When people say that relationships are work, it doesn’t mean that it is back breaking work (It can be, but then it probably just isn’t the right person). All it really means is that in relationships, you have to do something. You have to be an active part of it. They don’t just happen. It takes energy to show appreciation and pay attention to another person. Or to think of how they may be feeling. You have to do those things. That’s the work. Don’t be scared.

Personally, I find our reaction to language gets in the way in any conversation, so just keep an open mind and don’t assume the worst or immediately take anything I say personally. Come to think of it, the previous sentence also applies directly to relationships.

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Freedom

Can everyone on the planet who insists on forcing their way onto my TV please understand the following distinction: You are allowed to have an opinion, just as we are allowed to have an opinion about your opinion.

No one is trying to keep you from having an opinion. You are allowed to have one. It is just that in expressing one, you have to be prepared for the fact that we might think your opinion shows a complete lack of self awareness. We’re both allowed. That’s called freedom.

It is, in part, the reason so many people were at barbecues yesterday.

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