I Got Overwhelmed

Not a picture of me, but that is what I looked like just before I started typing this.

After posting on my blog pretty regularly, I got overwhelmed and walked away from it for a while. It sucks, but such is the life of knowing exactly what you’d like to be doing with your time, and then having to do other things in the meantime to pay your bills.

That isn’t to say that I’ve been working a ton. I was, for brief flashes of time, which is how it has been since the “great summer of layoffs” in 2009. I have not had a real job since then, but I have been looking for work and piecing together what little I have into a so-called viable option.

And the quest continues. I’ve been looking for full time work for a long time, but now that I have been accepted into my dream (and absurdly inexpensive) graduate school, I’ve shifted into looking for part time work.

People always talk about the free time aspect of not having a regular job as if it is amazing, but a good deal of my “free” time is spent looking for work, filling out complicated online applications, and obsessing over the minute details of my cover letters.

And of course, while unemployed, you might have the time to do things, but you don’t have the money. Were I a wealthy housewife, I’d go to bootcamp in the morning, follow it up with yoga, then sit somewhere (that isn’t home) writing while drinking coffee, or tea, or better yet, an abundance of coconut water!

Instead I sit here looking at my desktop computer, wondering what these posted jobs pay and worrying that I’ve missed a typo on my resume. I’m in the process of trying to buy an absurdly expensive laptop because it is a requirement for school. The school is cheap, the laptop is not. I don’t mind being broke, I just don’t want it to impede my goals. It’s one thing to not be able to take a vacation, or buy the newest clothes, but I don’t want to miss out on this opportunity to go to school.

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