Last week someone asked me if my boyfriend and I fight. The person who asked me this land mine was a young woman I like and respect and who had earlier in the day told me that the serious relationship she had been in for a while just ended. It felt like a land mine because, if I’m honest, then the answer is no, we don’t fight. But on some level that feels like a jerky answer to give.
I often want to write about my relationship. It’s a huge part of my life and a constant in a period of time where my jobs, health, and general identity feel like they’ve been in flux. But I don’t write about it. Not really. And that is because, well, my relationship is awesome! And if reality TV has taught me anything it is that people find conflict compelling, and harmony incredibly boring.
So I paused when I was asked the question…and then I answered truthfully.
I figured that if she was just out of this relationship, and if they fought often, then it would be good to hear that a serious relationship doesn’t have to be that way. I thought of the many friends and acquaintances I see and hear mentioning things about dating that just seem straight up crazy to me. I thought of all the songs that simply do not make sense to me, because I do not know why you’d be in that relationship in the first place, anyone who ever feels the need to check their significant other’s phone or emails!
I also thought about the fact that my boyfriend and I both reacted to the movie (500) Days of Summer by saying different versions of “I can’t imagine anyone who has ever been in a good relationship liking this movie,” because the idea of being with anyone who didn’t like me for who I actually am sounds nuts (Both the characters in that film are annoying, but I find Tom intolerable. If a guy only “loves” you for how he pictures you in his head and because he thinks you’ll solve all his problems, he sucks. You can still love JG-L, but seriously, that guy is a douche in that movie. SUCH A DOUCHE!).
So I’ve decided I will try, TRY, to write the occasional short and honest post, about what it is like to be a youngish weird woman in a healthy almost-six-year relationship. Honestly, people ask me about it constantly. Which I always find surprising. And I hate the way most relationship stuff is written. Let’s see how it goes.