There is a reason that the question associated with the game limbo is, “How low can you go?” Have you ever been in limbo? To be in a state of uncertainty will answer the question of just how low one can get. Right now I feel like a functioning depressive. I’m due to start school in six weeks, and I am so overwhelmed by all the things I need to do and get in order before it starts, combined with the list of all the things I want to do and know I won’t have time for once school begins, that I’m not sure what to do with myself.
Lately I find myself standing outside of my bedroom, not quite in my bathroom, looking at my living room, and just wondering what the hell I should do. And once I get past that brain freeze, some new age-y part of me starts to wonder what it is I want to do. Then my responsible side chastises both of its siblings by being realistic about what is possible monetarily and the amount of time that has already been wasted. Then I briefly consider posting a facebook poll about my options.
To be fair to myself, this makes it sound like I have a ton of free time, and I don’t, exactly. I have multiple freelance jobs, but none of them need me enough to keep me from obsessing over making ends meet. Plus, the disparity in their scheduling means my internal clock can’t get its bearings. Without unemployment benefits, I’d fall apart, and I am currently hunting for the magical part-time job that will help me stay afloat while I’m in school.
You know what I realize? I’m good with crazy. I can handle crazy. But I hate the countdown to crazy. Let’s do this, but please let me find the time to chill out on a beach first.