A couple of years ago the guy and I were hanging out at a buddy’s house with some people we knew. Another woman there, let’s call her Susan, starting talking about her relationship. Susan had just started doing the long distance thing with her girlfriend (yep, a lesbian couple; the relationship craziness I see knows no bounds) and the night before they had been video chatting.
Susan’s lady did other things besides talk to her during the chat. She was flipping through papers and doing little bits of work here and there. If I remember correctly, she was away for school. Susan went on and on about it, going into great detail about the chat. She was furious her girlfriend didn’t give her 100% of her attention during it. I asked Susan if she said anything to her girlfriend about it before blowing up at her and she said “No, I expect her to know better.” I had to stifle my laughter.
I don’t care who you are or how much I love you, if you expect someone to read your mind, I’m going to laugh at you. If you aren’t honest about how you feel, the other person won’t know what you want from them, let alone ever really know you well enough to love you for who you actually are. If you spend all of your time blaming the other person for not knowing what you are thinking, congratulations! You just wasted a lot of time.
This is particularly true for any new relationship, or anytime your relationship is in a new situation. Having been with my guy almost six years, we know each other incredibly well, but we are still constantly learning about ourselves and each other. There is tons of stuff I don’t have to say anymore, but that’s not true every time. I start school next month. I expect there will be new things to figure out as I grow accustomed to an entirely new schedule. I could expect him to know how I will be feeling at every moment, but then we’d have to fight our way through it. We won’t, because that’s not our style.
You, as a person, will grow and change within your relationship. Which means you both always need to learn about each other. Expecting people to “know better” about things like this is pure ego. I’m so important you better know what I want all the time. If you are this kind of person, I have another question: do you think you could do the same for them? Could you never ever disappoint the person you are with because you always know exactly what they want? If the answer is yes, I’d love to meet you. I have a thing for mythical creatures.